4 Truths to Remind Yourself When Discipline Seems to Fail

We try, and try, and try again. It just seems like, more often than not, we’re not getting anywhere with our child. We can feel so defeated, and so tempted to give up. Disciplining our children can be truly exasperating. Thankfully, there is encouragement nearby! Here are some solid biblical truths to lean on when you feel like discipline has completely failed.

man and child walking near bushes during daytime

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6).

The book of Proverbs offers wisdom and comfort. The key words here are when he is old. Train a child – yes, we are doing that. But how many time-outs, lectures, or groundings  will it take before the lesson starts to sink in? A billion? That’s what it can feel like. But Proverbs assures us that repetition and training yield results when our children are older. So, yes, it may – rather – it will, take a billion or so instances for the lesson to sink in and for our children to truly understand the gravity of the circumstance for which they were being disciplined. It will take unending work. But it’s the most important work we parents will ever do! Proverbs 22:6 reminds us that training children takes time.

“Honor your father and your mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:2-3)

The fourth commandment is special. As Ephesians points out, this God-given instruction was the first one to have a promise attached to it: obey and love your parents and you will be blessed with long life. Basically, God is letting us know how important it is to honor our parents. When we do our best to follow their instruction and live according to their boundaries, we will keep ourselves safe and healthy. Isn’t that what every parent wants for their children? Of course it is!

God is reminding us to obey our parents, because they know what is best for us. And in a way, he might be reminding us to keep honoring and obeying him, too. God definitely knows what’s best for us. When we follow God’s will for our lives, or our parents’ will, we will be much more likely to keep our bodies – and souls – safe in God’s care.

So, how can this commandment encourage the exasperated parent who feels like their child does not honor as they should? Simply this: know that by enduring the administering of what feels like unending discipline, you are keeping your child safe and are doing the absolute best thing for your child. Even when it feels like you’re getting nowhere, you are still being faithful to God and to your child. Don’t give up! God has given special significance to the job of disciplining children. When you just don’t know what to do, take a moment to pray and ask for God’s help. He will certainly hear you and guide you. By disciplining again and again, you are being the best parent for your child.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). 

It doesn’t get more straight-to-the-point than this. Our kids are sinful, too, just as we are. They are not perfect, and never will be. With that in mind, we can all muster up a little more compassion and understanding each time we enter the discipline ring.

Now, just because we can remind ourselves that our kids aren’t as perfect as we are (just kidding) doesn’t mean we can ease up on our discipline or even quit altogether. On the contrary, this little but powerful piece of truth can help us persevere and work hard, because it reminds us that our children desperately need correction, just as we do. This little but powerful verse also comes with a big promise: that we all need Jesus, and that he is there for us. He rescues us from our failings and gives us perfection in him, instead!

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Let’s face it: grueling bouts of discipline can bring out the worst in us parents, too. It’s so easy to let anger dominate the situation. Have you felt the red-hot prickle of guilt way more often than you’d care to admit?

Thankfully, mercifully, God offers forgiveness to the defeated, exasperated, shame-ridden parent. It’s in our embarrassingly raw and guilty state that Jesus bursts through and renews our hearts, souls, and minds. When we are sorry, Jesus forgives. Not only that, but we are purified! A clean start? Yes, please! Thanks be to God.

4 Truths to Remind Yourself during those Desperate Moments

  • Rebuke. Correct. Repeat. Discipline takes consistency, and time. Keep up the good work, and when your children are older, they’ll know better. (Proverbs 22:6).
  • We discipline to keep our children safe and healthy. God encourages us to keep at it! Those who honor their father and mother will enjoy long (safe and happy) life on the earth. (Fourth Commandment – Ephesians 6:2-3)
  • Our children are sinful. Just like us, they’ll mess up again and again. Have compassion, but don’t give up. Jesus came for us all! (Romans 3:23)
  • Confess, and be cleansed. Start again from a clean slate! Jesus forgives. (1 John 1:9)

Keep up the great work!

People Will Tell You, “You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are.” You’re Not!

“People will tell you, ‘you’re perfect just the way you are.’ You’re not!”chris pratt bryce dallas howard mtv movie tv awards 2018 154104003

Actor Chris Pratt delivered this line as a part of his acceptance speech during the MTV movie and TV awards this past June. (You might be familiar with him from his roles in the latest Jurassic Park movies or the Guardians of the Galaxy).

Out of context, this line might seem like a strange thing to include in an acceptance speech. But, believe it or not, Chris was actually speaking about his faith. He went on to explain that, in our imperfectness, God delivers grace, which was paid for by someone else’s blood.

He’s right! And he makes a great point.

The world wants us to believe that we are perfect just the way we are. Society teaches us to accept our uniqueness, embrace it, and celebrate it. We must not view any personality  trait or mindset as wrong or flawed, but always as beautiful and right.

The truth is, that’s just wrong.


Because nobody is perfect. We are all flawed.

But let’s just say, for a moment, that people actually are perfect. If we are all perfect, then we must be able to solve all problems, create only good things, and ensure our own ticket to heaven. If we are perfect just the way we are, we don’t need forgiveness, we don’t need grace, and we don’t need Jesus.

Youth are taught that they are perfect just the way they are. Well then, how are they supposed to feel when they actually do mess something up and can’t fix it? If they are supposed to be perfect, but can’t live up to those standards, wouldn’t that false notion actually lead them to feelings of negativity, insufficiency, and even worthlessness? It can! The “gospel” of individual perfection is not good news at all.

That’s why we need to teach our kids that they are imperfect. They will mess up and make mistakes. You see, it is only in this imperfect nature that the need for Jesus becomes so obvious, and necessary. And this is where we can uplift our children with the real gospel.

No one is perfect. We need help; we need a Savior. Jesus is there! When we fail, he lifts us up. When we are sorry, he forgives us. When we pray, he hears us. And when he died, he buried our sins in the grave and gave us new life when he resurrected.

In our imperfection, there is hope! That’s the real message we need to be instilling: “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“People will tell you, ‘you’re perfect just the way you are.’ You’re not!”

No, we are not. We need help. Praise be to God that he came, he conquered, and he saves!


Image source: http://www.justjared.com/photo-gallery/4104003/chris-pratt-bryce-dallas-howard-mtv-movie-tv-awards-2018-15/